Where do I belong?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled to find my place. Finding the right place and claiming my place within my family of origin, society, and the world remains a challenge. This will likely remain a lifelong theme for me.
And yet, through family constellations, I’ve gained a lot of insight into this. As a result, I’m getting better and better at finding my place.
Not the youngest
When I was 18, I found out from an aunt that my mother had had a miscarriage shortly after I was born. This was never mentioned at home. It was literally and figuratively swept under the rug—until it came to light. My first reaction was disbelief and anger. I didn’t understand why my parents had kept this important fact a secret from my older sister and me. “It just didn’t come up. We didn’t think it was that important to talk about it. We didn’t think about it anymore,” were more or less my parents’ explanations. “Bullshit,” I thought at the time. “How could you forget to tell us something so important!”
The Importance to the Family
Even back then—years before I was introduced to constellations—I knew that a miscarriage is significant for a family system and that something like that should not be kept secret, but rather honored. So I wasn’t the youngest in the family, but I was the middle child of three. For 18 years, I hadn’t had the right place in my family. Gradually, I was finally able to take my rightful place between my older sister and my younger brother, whose soul has moved on.
A little boy
Intuitively, I sensed that the miscarriage was a little boy—the younger brother I’d always wanted and missed. Only now did the piece of the puzzle fall into place. Perhaps this also explains my search for balance and harmony. Not only am I a Libra, but I’m also the middle child of three. I’m literally in the middle between a sister and a brother. And I’m also deeply searching for the balance between the feminine and masculine within me. Balance is a theme that plays out in many areas of my life.
Healing Through Constellations
Many years later—I was 30 at the time—when I had my own constellation of my family of origin, the miscarriage was brought up. In this way, my younger brother’s soul was given the place it deserved, and he was honored as part of the family system. A sense of wholeness and healing emerged within the system. The representative standing in for me let out a sigh of relief and was visibly moved. For me, too, this was a deeply healing experience. It was a moment when I could finally take my place within my family.
I honor you
During visualizations, guided imagery, and meditations, I have regularly encountered my younger brother. To me, he is my guardian angel. Incidentally, at one point my sister gave me a small figurine of an angel. To me, it symbolizes his soul, and it has had a place in my home ever since, allowing me to connect with him at any time.
“Brother, I never met you in person. Your soul left before it could be here on earth. Even though you’re gone, you’ll always have a place in my heart and soul. I honor you as the youngest in the line and as my younger brother. I feel your support and presence, and I take you by the hand. I love you.”
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If you'd like to try this out for yourself, then the Setup Days something for you.
During a family constellation, we explore the unconscious dynamics at play within your family system and how you can (re)claim your own place within it.
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