On Old Beliefs
Recently, something my partner said really got to me. It wasn’t so much what he said, but rather the fact that it took me by surprise, left me feeling overwhelmed, and left me feeling helpless. It felt like my back was against the wall and I had nowhere to go…
Old negative beliefs flashed through my mind in an instant: “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not worthy of his love.” “I don’t belong here.” I lashed out with a nasty remark, just like an animal that feels threatened. That remark, in turn, triggered old wounds in my partner. We kept triggering each other back and forth, and accusations flew everywhere.
Toward Connection Through Vulnerability
By daring to pause and reflect on exactly what was happening, by making myself vulnerable and acknowledging that I was falling back into those old patterns, and by recognizing exactly what my part and his part in the whole situation were, we slowly began to grow closer again.
Old wounds and survival patterns are often very painful and persistent. When they resurface, it feels all the more painful and makes you feel vulnerable. Pushing them away or ignoring them, however, is not an option, because then they’ll come back and hit you right in the face with full force the next time. Only by pausing to reflect, taking the time and space to feel and acknowledge these emotions—knowing that they are old wounds from the past—and staying connected to yourself and the other person can healing begin.
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If you'd like to give this a try yourself, then the "Your Own Path" Growth Training for Adults Something for you. In this 4-day training, we’ll explore your old patterns and coping mechanisms—which often stem from your parents’ (unconscious) messages—so that you can transform them and stand in your life with strength and awareness once again. As the adult you are today, you’ll use those triggers to help heal those old wounds rather than letting them bring you down.
