From Rejection to Forging Your Own Path
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been turned down a few times. A contract and a teaching position at a renowned educational institution fell through. In the past—perhaps even as recently as a few years ago—I would have felt this very deeply as a rejection. I would have immediately retreated into my wounded inner child, along with the accompanying persistent negative beliefs such as “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not lovable,” “I can’t do it,” …
Now, however, I realize that these “rejections” continue to invite and encourage me to forge my own path and to further establish myself in the world through my qualities as a therapist. In particular, to expand my practice and transform my home into a place of connection and personal development. To truly dare to pursue my dream instead of just dreaming about it.
It’s no coincidence that I recently had a dream that was very much about the student–teacher dynamic—embracing my eternal student and encountering my (inner) teacher. Very beautiful symbolism.
Transforming Negative Beliefs
And, “entirely by chance,” sessions with clients have lately focused mainly on negative beliefs and how to transform them into positive ones. Everything seems to point toward letting go of the baggage from the past. Or rather, learning to deal with that baggage so it no longer holds you back.
And at the same time, this is often the stumbling block, because the past has, of course, also shaped you into who you are. Your identity has been built upon it. You have become who you are through the warmth and love you have received, as well as through the hurts and traumas you have endured.
From adapting to making your own choices
As a child, you simply had to adapt to your environment and suppress your natural qualities. To receive your parents’ love, you became “the good little boy” or “the sweet little girl.” Some children even go so far as to become “chameleons” and completely lose themselves for the sake of others. Negative beliefs arise, such as “I’m not lovable,” “I don’t belong here,” “I can’t be who I am,” … and you develop all kinds of ingenious survival strategies and patterns that were very helpful back then as a child. Because you had no choice. You had no choice but to conform to your parents, your caregivers, the school environment, and society.
As an adult, however, you do have a choice. You can choose to go along with that old movie or make a new one. You can walk the old, familiar path or shape a new one step by step. Even if you’re not quite sure how to do this yet. If you dare to stay in this “not knowing,” a movement toward healing and transformation will naturally emerge.
Of course, this isn’t without risk and investment, because it takes a lot to dare to let go of your old identity and develop a new one. You can compare it to a house built on shaky, unstable foundations (the negative beliefs and coping mechanisms). At some point, cracks will start to appear. And while you can fill those cracks over and over again, they’ll keep coming back. And the house might even collapse, either partially or completely. What remains is clearing away the rubble and building new, solid foundations based on your positive beliefs and natural qualities. And so, brick by brick, you build a new house.
Moving Beyond Identification with Your "Old" Self
It means stepping away from your identification with your “old” identity and letting go of who you always thought you were, so you can dare to look at who you truly are at your essence, at your core. What are your natural qualities, what are your heart’s desires? You may be able to figure this out rationally using your mind, but it also means feeling it deeply and embodying it with every cell of your body. Truly daring to live your life to the fullest with all your qualities. Connecting your head (mind) with your heart (feelings) and your gut (intuition). And then allowing this to flow all the way down into your pelvis (sexuality), legs, and feet (grounding).
The Path to Yourself and Your True Self
In short, a process of getting to know yourself again. Who are you? Getting to know yourself. Who are you, really? The journey inward, to your core and essence. Who are you, in your entirety? So that you can then make your way back out—toward others and your surroundings. Connecting with others from a place of connection with your authentic self.
What a beautiful journey—a healing and transformative process, a life-changing experience. I truly wish this for you. Would you like some support with this? Know that you can always come to me for help with this individual sessions or via group workshops to look at and work on.
Take up the challenge
Then take on the challenge now and contact me for a no-obligation consultation.
