Blocking properties
As an HSP, you often have certain limiting traits that you can, however—if you’re aware of them—transform and turn into liberating qualities. There are many ways to do this. The most important thing is that you choose a method that works for you and take the time to do it. You’ve been carrying some of these blocks your whole life, so it does take some time to transform them. Step by step, in your own way and at your own pace. For example, meditating on your block or writing about it can work very well.
Here they are:
1. Putting others before yourself → transform into: Self-Love
Since you’re very empathetic and have a good sense of what others are feeling, you often focus your attention on others to help or please them instead of focusing it on yourself. However, start by focusing your attention on yourself and giving the attention and love you currently give to others to yourself first. You can only truly be there for others if you’re also fully there for yourself!
2. Placing too much importance on the opinions of others → transform this into: Standing by Your Own Truth
This is somewhat related to the first limiting trait. Since your attention is mainly focused on the other person, you want to do right by them, which leads you to adapt and go to great lengths to please them. This might not feel right to you, but you’ll do it anyway to gain the other person’s approval.
This may stem from your own insecurity, fear of failure, or perfectionism. Before you do something for someone else, ask yourself whether you’re still staying true to your own truth. One question you can ask yourself is, “Does this feel right to me?” Every word in that sentence is important:
- Feels: Listen to your body’s signals. What sensations do you feel in your body? Do you feel tension, a racing heart, cold sweat, cramps, … or do you feel calm, space, relaxation, warmth, a sense of flow, …
- This: what you plan to do or not do for the other person.
- Now: right now, in the here and now.
- Good: Is that true? Does it make you feel good—does it give you a sense of happiness, joy, or pleasure? Does it give you energy, or does it mostly drain your energy?
- For me: Focus your attention on yourself; listen to the signals from your mind, heart, gut, and soul.
3. Being too critical of yourself → transform into: Treating Yourself with Compassion and Empathy
Your perfectionism and the feeling that you have to do things (too) well often cause you to be very critical of yourself. Your inner critic also often brings you down with messages like “I’m not lovable,” “I’m not good enough,” “I’m worthless,”… Try to tone down your perfectionism a bit by allowing yourself to make mistakes. After all, you learn from mistakes, so you don’t need to be so hard on yourself. Notice your inner critic, but don’t let it get to you. You can say, “I hear you, and I’ll do it my way. I’m okay just the way I am, with everything that is—and everything that isn’t.” In other words, be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and kindness—just as you would treat someone else.
4. Not listening carefully to your own limits → transform into: Listening to Your Body's Signals
By putting others before yourself and trying to do everything perfectly, you end up neglecting yourself. You slip into “do” mode and push past your own limits. Learn to listen to your body’s signals. Because your body knows what’s good for you and what isn’t. Instead of rushing and speeding up, slow down. Take a little more time, rest, and space for yourself so that you can better sense when you’re pushing past your own limits and need to slow down. Eventually, you’ll become more attuned to those limits, which will allow you to respect them—and thus avoid feeling overstimulated or overwhelmed.
5. Expecting others to read your mind → transform this into: Clearly state your needs and desires
Precisely because you’re so empathetic, you expect others to be empathetic as well. However, not everyone can automatically sense what you need. Clearly and explicitly express your needs, desires, and expectations to the other person without expecting them to meet them. Otherwise, you’ll only end up disappointed when the other person—for whatever reason—is unable to meet them.
Additional tips from some of my coach and therapist friends
How do you deal with energy leaks? How can you cope with sensory overload? How can you pick up on the signs more quickly that you’re pushing your limits? What can you do in the moment to intervene? What can you do to help yourself regain balance?
The idea arose—in the context of horse-assisted coaching—to create a sort of anchor for yourself in the meadow, representing a kind of mental armchair. A place where you can literally go to ground your feet, breathe mindfully, place your hands on your back for a moment… something that brings you back to the present moment. By setting up such an anchor (which can also be in your living space) and visiting it every now and then, you literally create a place where you can check in with yourself and become aware of your body—as a gateway to your emotions, nerve pathways, and so on…
To gain direct access to these kinds of answers—which your intuition already knows, but you don’t yet—and since you don’t always hear your intuition clearly (it usually whispers, and that’s the signal you want to pick up on in time ;-))—writing can help bring them to you, you’re essentially opening your “channel” to the solutions. Just start writing until you know it, or until you get a really good feeling about it. All wisdom is within you; it’s just a matter of making the connection, picking it up, and hearing/interpreting it. Writing can be a fantastic way to do that.
I recognize this, and for me it gets worse at times, while other times I manage it completely. I’m also someone who brings the unconscious into consciousness: reflecting on where that hypersensitivity comes from.
I’ll then slow down—and sometimes literally stop, either at the moment it happened or afterward—and see what’s really going on inside me. For me, being specific and continuing to write about my feelings helps. I usually do that slowing down in nature or through dance or yoga—grounding myself, consciously sinking back into my body, feeling my body again, activating the back of my body, and feeling my heels and feet. From there, I write again—or meditate—and consciously ask, “What does this have to tell you?”
The moment you feel overwhelmed, consciously return to your center: your navel and pelvis, deep abdominal breathing, running your wrists under cold water, shaking your wrists and ankles, and rubbing your tailbone to warm it up—at that moment, you’ll feel more grounded in your body. And so I have a box full of little things like that.
Free yourself!
You hold the key to your own freedom. I'd be happy to help you on your way.
