Yesterday I had a session with my therapist. There was a lot to work through, but in the end, it all came down to one thing: connecting with my inner child, with little Tuur. That connection had become a bit strained lately, even though I’ve been doing quite a bit of inner work. Trying to connect with that child from my adult self—I wasn’t really succeeding.
Fortunately, I have a fantastic therapist who supports me in this.
What came to the surface was pain, a sense of loss, and a deep longing. It was that little boy who used to be locked in the attic whenever he did something wrong. He would scream his lungs out.
No one came.
No one to comfort him. No one to say: It’s okay, you’re okay, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re good just the way you are. There was simply no one.
During the session, I noticed how I kept shifting back and forth between the adult and the child. One moment I was completely in my adult self. The next, I was completely in my child self. It took time to keep those two together—to be able to hold onto that little boy even as an adult. But in the end, I managed it.
I could see and hear him. I told him, “You don’t have to yell anymore; I can hear you even if you just say it—or even whisper. I hear you. I see you; I feel you. And I want to do this with you—you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I’m here for you.”
I brought him down from that attic. That heavy hatch was no match for a child’s arms. I used my adult strength, took him by the hand, opened the hatch, and we walked down the stairs together. Into the free world.
Because that was what he longed for. Freedom. Space. To be able to follow his own path, to be able to speak his own mind. No longer to be stifled, no longer to be forced into a straitjacket. Just to be free. To play. To enjoy life. To be who he is.
A special encounter: very emotional, and at the same time very healing.
Another thing I realized: I can’t expect this from anyone else. Not from my parents, not from my partner, not from anyone. I have to do this myself, out of love and kindness, as the adult who takes the little boy by the hand.
With a client, I can do that effortlessly. With myself, it’s sometimes a challenge, which is why I still need a therapist—even after all these years.
I'm keeping this process alive now. From now on, I'll reconnect with little Tuur every day, to let him know that there's now an adult he can trust and count on.
It’s also a great lead-up to the Inner Child Intensive that I’ll be teaching soon with Gerda—a three-day deep dive into inner child work.
Do you know that feeling—a part of yourself that used to scream but was never heard? You no longer have to leave your inner child alone. From September 25 to 27, Gerda and I will be leading the Inner Child Intensive at the Aumm Institute, a three-day retreat designed to help you reconnect with your inner child.
And maybe you've experienced this, too: realizing only afterward that you'd lost sight of yourself for a moment, so as not to disappoint the other person. On October 31, Gerda and I will be giving the "Discover Your True Nature" Experience Day, in Bergen op Zoom. There, through body-oriented exercises and small group exercises, we’ll explore how to stay connected to yourself even when others are present. You’re welcome to arrive starting at 10 a.m.; the workshop costs 120 euros.
